The Bucket List. Of Sorts.

I’m 31. I remember when I was 15, thinking that 30 was so, so very far away. I have all the time in the world to do everything I’ve dreamed about, read about, seen on TV. I have all the time.

16 years later, I’m a married woman with two boys, an eight year old whirlwind and a 10 month old terror. I love them both, very much. I love my husband very much. 16 years later, and my mother is dead, my father is old, some very good friends have moved far away or died, my aunt is in declining health and I know what tragedy feels like. I know what grief, real grief, is.  

I know regret, intimately. It clings to my heart and it’s something I cannot sleep off, cannot shake away with the morning or drink away in the evening. I know. I’ve tried.

I am busy. We — my family — we are busy. And broke. We get by, but Chef/husband is constantly working for his low salary, I am battling a bored 8 year old and a demanding soon to be toddler while trying to keep my work at home job afloat and sneak in some freelance assignments here and there. I love my life, I do. I know to say I love you, I know not to hold back like I used to. I know time is fleeting.

With work, kids, bills, household upkeep and constant running, my to-do list never seems to shrink. Sometimes I stand in the shower while my elder son is at school and the baby is sleeping, close my eyes and dream of all those things I want to do, all those journeys I want to take, all the hopes and wishes I have for my sons. I want to find the chance to show them the world I never saw, I want them to know there aren’t barriers to anything, anything can be a grand adventure, the world is waiting for you, if you want it badly enough.

I want this badly enough.

1. Visit Peru.
See my family, my Peruvian half of my family I’ve never met, who send me pictures via my father of places that I want to be familiar with, people I want to know. I remember a picture from my childhood of my grandmother I’ve never seen, holding a doll she bought for me. My size, blue dress, brown hair, big eyes. It’s in her house still, waiting. I don’t know how much longer she will be there waiting with it. It’s not just about the beauty of this country, the food (delicious, delicious food!) and playing tourist for a week. This is about my family and me and discovering something that is a part of me I still do not know.

2. Go back to school — again.

I want my Bachelors, someday finally soon. I love to write, and didn’t deem it practical enough to really pursue it as a career.  Leaps of faith and being a persistent foolhardy pest allowed me to start and actually make some money doing it. It took me so, so long to even go to college (I didn’t think it was for me), and getting my Associates Degree was one of the proudest days of my life, one of the few times I felt accomplished, let my ego swell and cried a few tears because I did it. I want that again, I don’t want to stop here. I love learning, and I want to pursue my passion to the fullest. 

3. Visit the places of my husband’s childhood.

My husband is a military brat, and has lived all over the world. My mind is filled with his stories, his antics of getting drunk in Korea in a bar at 15, attending parochial school in England at 5, a gated community in Italy that had its very own pizzeria on site.  He’s been everywhere. I have not, and live vicariously through him. Now, I want to go with him, back to these places, England, Italy, Korea. Japan. Years later, with his perspective and voice and let him be my guide.

4. Escape to a Writer’s retreat, alone.

Here is my selfishness, but needed, for my sanity and emotional stability. Life and kids and work will not let me journey any distance for an extended period of time by myself. My beautiful artist friend is regularly aboard, spending weeks in Finland or North Carolina in a cabin in the woods just painting and creating and living her art. I want that. I want just two weeks to escape, two weeks at least, to find my voice, those things that are lost deep inside me I cannot write while the baby cries in the background and the dog wants out and I have dinner to make. 

5. Eat wonderfully.

Food is my family’s soul, our bread and butter, so to speak, as well. A chef husband, my food and beer writing, my little gourmands who eat pate and blue cheese without hesitation. I want to visit the amazing restaurants I hear about and just eat and drink to my heart’s content, without worrying about the bill and the time. This is not only a journey to eat, but a journey to reconnect to my husband of nine years over a mutual love. I need to leave the little heathens at home with grandparents, and escape with the Chef for this. We’ll bring them doggie bags.  

 6.Write FOR REAL. Read FOR REAL.

Like, for a living. I’ve done the freelance stuff, which I love and will continue to do, but I want to have writing just suffocate my life in all sorts of good ways. I’d love to be able to just read gobs of books and write reviews and write bookish things and just, somehow, get paid to read and write about books (and other fun stuff, when I feel like it) and not live in a van down by the river. I don’t even have a van!

7. Run A Restaurant With The Fam.
This started out as my husband's dream, and has gradually become mine. I want him to be able to cook what he wants to cook, and I want to be there alongside him when he does it. Owning our own place is not easy, will never be easy, and never end up making us rich. But it would allow us to spend time together and grow other. I deal with the frustrations of kitchen life as a Chef Wife and a Restaurant Widow. I want to deal with them at my husband's side. And eat better food that we have where our home is, of course. Because my husband is just the best cook, ever.

8.Learn to Brew
Beer gave me my start in writing, believe it or not. And I respect the folks in the vibrant craft beer industry here in Michigan. I want to be well versed, more eloquent, and know my shit when I'm talking about beer with these wonderful guys and gals. I want to drink something I created, look at that bottle in my hand and know that if the zombie apocalypse comes, we'll still have good beer to drink.

9. Write That Book (even if no one reads it).
My hope is to learn from school, from retreats, from my own sense of perseverance, how to get all my self down on paper and make it work. I want something concrete to hold in my hands. I want it to be something I am proud of. I want it to be honest and real. And I don't care if anyone reads it or not. But I hope someone does, someday.

10. Discover Appalachia- Discover My Mom.
My mother grew up a holler in southern Virgina, poor and uneducated. When I visited her ancestral home while young, I just noticed the poverty and heavy accents, ignored the beauty and dismissed the people. I want to remedy that. Maybe then I'll understand my mother better, and all those things I never got to say will be said, I will find solace in my acceptance of her past and how it shaped her life. And mine.

* (This blog post is a contest entry for Harlequin’s Come Away with Me Bucket List Contest located at http://bit.ly/1fhFAhz ).

But I still really enjoyed writing it. :-) 

After the Parade by Lori Ostlund — A Review

A meandering story that goes between past and present in the narrators' life. A story of love and loss, family and dysfunction and learning to understand yourself by accepting your past. It's a book for a quiet, contemplative moment, a book you want to devour when you feel most introspective.

I think I read it at a very appropriate time, so it went well.

Aaron Englund is forty and leaving his boyfriend of 20 odd years, leaving the Midwest and setting out to San Francisco, the destination chosen because of a casual acquaintance, Taffy, who said she would help him find his footing. Aaron is leaving because he has never been alone, never had freedom of self, and knows he cannot continue to live a half-life, and not find himself.

Peace does not come easily, and he must come to terms with his small-town past, his mother, his father, the strange and the mundane, all those parts and pieces that help form your psyche when you are very young. Chance encounters and purposeful decisions lead him on his way.

Wonderfully, powerfully written, in the right moment, After the Parade will grip you and you'll want to linger. The prose is powerful, sparse when needed, descriptive without being flowerly, giving you a little light when needed, letting you discover the substance of the book on your own.

I'm a sucker for this depth, this feeling and confrontation of your past. If that's your thing as well, you'll enjoy this book.

*(this ARC was received for free via GoodReads -I think?...- for review.)

Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter — A Review

I started reading this one blindly, without even glancing at the back cover of the ARC (which only mentioned that the novel was suspenseful, really) after I finished another book late at night. I thought, 'Hey, I'll read the first chapter to get a head start on this one, then go to bed.'

Two hundred pages later, I look out the window and the sun is coming up.

Oops.




This book was utterly compelling, definitely suspenseful, and I couldn't stop reading. In the vein of Gone Girl, you're led down a path a bit blindly, unsure in the beginning of where this is going, how these characters connect, how their lives intertwine. Oh boy, once you figure it out...

Once, there were three sisters. Now there are two. Twenty odd years ago, one goes missing, and it tears a family apart. She is never found, and the two remaining sisters lead totally different lives — one  seemingly privileged and secure, the other rebuilding after years of drug abuse and a hard-bitten existence. They don't speak. Until the death of a husband brings back old memories and pains, and new mysteries that are almost unspeakable in their horror. What really happened to their sister? What will happen to them, now that they have uncovered these secrets?

I finished this one in two days. Karin Slaughter is a wonderful writer, her characters are developed, engaging, and you can picture them in your mind quite clearly. The pain that the disappearance of the older sister caused this family is manifested in different ways for different members of the family, and to me that was one of the most interesting factors of this book. For being such a fantastical story and having such a crazy resolution, the emotional lives of the characters manifested as very real. I like a bit of crazy thriller with characters that are rooted in this world, with feeling and depth and something concrete, something you can look at throughout all the horror in a book and say "I've felt that way about loss, I understand why you chose this route, why you react this way to this situation."

It's graphic in it's darkness, it's calculating killer seems unbelievable but you know that humanity is full of things that happen that you don't want to believe, don't want to know. So you accept his existence, with distaste in your mouth and know, somewhere, people have done this to other people.

If you have a strong pull towards issues of morality, choice, loss, love and what keeps a family together and what drives them apart, or enjoy those thrillers/suspense fiction with that slightly formulaic plot.. this is a great book for you. Not saying that following the formula makes this a dull, typical read — far from it. But you need those twists and turns you expect to keep you nervous and turning the page. A good thriller does that, without making you think you've heard the story before.

This is a good one.

(*this ARC was received for free via Shelf Awareness.)

Summer House With Swimming Pool by Herman Koch — A Review

I love hating the characters I read about. Or just being unsure about their motives, their reliability, their credibility. Summer House With Swimming Pool , just like The Dinner, grabbed me this way. At turns cynical, grotesque, treacherous and wryly humorous, it had all the components of complete fucked-up-ed-ness I adore.

Dr. Marc Schlosser hates his job. Well, hates the filth and wretchedness that is the human condition, and Koch describes it all in loving detail. If you can't stand descriptions of your inevitable doom, you may not want to read this one. We find out right away that a patient of his, actor Ralph Meier, is dead, and it's possibly, probably, (okay definitely) his fault. But why?

 Here's where the summer house comes into play. A vacation with ulterior motives, lust and selfishness, then unexpected tragedy, plays a pivotal role in the Doc's decision to off Mr. Meier.

I won't give everything away, because the structure of the book is so you want to keep turning the page. The filthiness of your psyche, your strange inner thoughts and sick desires makes everyone a bit repugnant in this novel, even the children to some extent. 

But I like the honesty with a touch of the dramatic. It kept me engaged, and made me stop and think once I had reached the end. If you have ever watched Funny Games, enjoyed his previous work, or considered the darker parts of your soul and what you would do for family if faced with a violent and chaotic situation, read this.

Judge the characters harshly in this book if you must, but judge yourself as well.



—visit the authors' webpage (use Google translate, folks!) http://www.hermankoch.nl/



*(I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.)

Wildlife and Poopy Diapers.

I'm reading Summer House with Swimming Pool by Herman Koch and just like The Dinner, it has me spellbound. Loving the realism, dirty, gritty, honesty of the characters. People are strange and Koch gets that. Not done yet, but looking forward to reviewing it.

In addition to reading, it's been quite an eventful last day or so. Frantic gathering of all the things to head to my boss' house for a group get together last night, after a very long day for Chef. We stayed late, so late, in fact, I was too tired to remember I totally needed to buy diapers because we were OUT.

12 hour Pampers are the shit.

Cut to this morning, and realizing all I have is one swimmy. And I gotta go get something from the corner store ASAP, because my kid looks like he has a water balloon hanging off his butt.

• Shitty Mom Trick #134 - Lining a swimmy with pads works just long enough for you to shower, your kid to drink a bottle and then decide to poop right before you head out the door to get real diapers.

My morning. Oh, and I had to drag the porta crib in from outside of the front door, because Chef got too freaked out by birds sitting on the railing, looking at him and not leaving no matter how loud he was. So he kicked the folded crib close to the door and ran away.

Wanna scare my husband? Rig plastic birds to dive bomb his head. "THEY FLY!" he told me. I knew that.

But now I'm kind of convinced all the wildlife around our home is rabid or crazy or just fucking with us, because a small squirrel sat in our maple when I was bringing in the crib, chittering angrily at me and totally not responding to "GO AWAY, SQUIRREL!". Ran out to grab the crib as he got closer and closer to me and then all of a sudden launched off the branch into a yew bush below.

This is why I don't leave the house too often.

Technology and Children and Fart and Poop Jokes and Amy Poehler

I just finished reading Yes Please and it made me happy. This isn't really a review, but I wanted to say that. This is more about all the thinks I am thinking after reading it.

Of course I love Leslie Knope. But I didn't really know I loved Amy Poehler, but I do. I wish I was her friend, but I'm not, so I'll just gush here a little bit and be done with it.

LOVE LOVE YES PLEASE THANK YOU OMG YOU ARE SO FUNNY AND HONEST AND DON'T CARE IF PPL THINK YOU SUCK. YOU ARE HUMAN OMG OMG AWESOME YAY.

K, done.

Technology:
I feel like my brain is slowly being eaten every time my fingertips touch my phone. Or my keyboard, aimlessly clicking around Clickhole and the like. The fact that there is a website named Clickhole tells us a lot about ourselves as consumers of all things digital.

I want to pretend I can maintain a healthy distance, or do, and it's effortlessly, but it's all my effort. I don't (try not to) check my e-mail on weekends, especially in the summer when I have the opportunity to escape to our lake cottage and hang out playing stupid word games with my eight year old in his hammock and stop my baby from constantly trying to eat grass, which is what I did this weekend. The TV should just be background noise and NOTHING at my work is important enough that it can't wait til Monday, as far as I'm concerned.

I work in digital marketing. I am not a marketing person. I don't want to sell you something you don't need. I do, however, like to tell stories and if I think something is fucking awesome, I use all of my power and words and energy to let you know that. And I think that's how marketing should be. I want to believe in the product or service or person. I don't want to care about Google Analytics or SEO  or Adwords and other jargon that is dumb, dumb, dumb. This is why I don't care how many clicks my blog posts get, really. Maybe a little, because that little bar graph thing is kind of exciting and I feel like I'm winning?..

But, I don't HATE my job, but sometimes I feel like an asshole. Then I remember there are a lot of assholes in the world also doing what I'm doing, without feeling even a teeny bit bad about it, and remain constantly connected and think that's a good thing.

Then I feel a little bit better.

But I love this, right? I'm using my damn computer right now to type this blog post on the internets. I love that I can do this, vent and get my thoughts on (virtual) paper quickly and out of my head since they so often seem to stay there since I'm alone all the time with childrens and work from home and writing because I want to is such wonderful solace and peace for me. This allows me to do it, my two most favorite things, read and write, easier. It allows me to make time for it, because I can call it my lunch break or jump up in the morning and get these thoughts I've had while in the shower out of my head immediately.  I can stroke my ego and feel all my feels at the same time. Pretty cool. Thanks, computer!

..but the first thought I had when I finished Poehler's book was that I hafta go add this to my Goodreads and stuff. See? That weird urge to add something to my list, to one up myself, give myself that additional gold star. I know it's not a race, but I still feel like it's one. Thanks Obama.

To surmise:
Technology is good and bad. Hammocks are always good.


Children:
I have decided we all want to just eat their little selves up in one big grandiose meal of mama love, espically the moms of little boys. Apparently oher people think this way, and it makes me feel less weird to say I want to eat my children.

I want to eat my children.

Really, having little boys is so, so amazing and they just love their mom and each other so very fiercely and wonderfully and it's beautiful, beautiful. I don't think everyone should have children. Have them if you want them. Or don't. But my children have made me better, because I am a selfish asshole and I am now slightly less selfish which makes me a little less blind to the rest of the world. And they have made my 'little family', which is something new for me and something I cling to with all my strength and heart and ferocity and I will cut you if you do anything to mess that up for me.

I will cut you.


Fart and Poop Jokes:
They are always funny. I don't care how old you are.

 So now I hafta get ready for a virtual meeting by brushing my hair and teeth, adjusting the lighting in my room and pretending I'm not sitting here in my PJs when 10:30 roles around. But first I have to change the baby's poopy diaper, because he likes to poop before I have important works things to do.


See ya.

Goodbye Stranger by Rebecca Stead — A Review

Just finished this YA book last night! I do enjoy some YA fiction, really and truly. I try to keep a diverse reading palette, because you never know what's going to be good. There are some amazing YA out there, folks. Don't be afraid to read it.

So, Goodbye Stranger is set in New York City, and is the story of girls. It's the story of three seventh grade friends and a mystery person, (a slightly older girl, you don't learn her identity until the end of the book) and how friendships, first love, family, hormones, puberty and school all implode on your when you are hitting your teens. Told from various narratives by chapter, all the stories eventually connect in some way at the end.

I was a little confused with the narrative in the beginning, it seems to just dive into the characters without giving you so much as an idea of who they were. Which works, sometimes, but was a little off for me in this case. However, the more I discovered about these weird and wacky and at the same time so utterly normal girls, the more I recalled my own adolescence, and was able to put myself back into their place. Bridget called Bridge, who wears cat ears just because and suffers paralyzing dreams recalling her brush with death at eight years old is the center of the story. Her friends are growing up without her, it seems, and what was always, suddenly isn't.

The author is wonderful at capturing that strangeness of early teenage-hood, and all the bumps that go along with it. She seems to be able to call upon her adolescence and get it out on the page without sounding like she's trying too hard. You know, like the hip youth pastor who 'totally gets you!' trying too hard? None of that here. She conveys the depth of emotion, intelligence, and newness of those early teen years. There is a first time for everything, and we forget how that feels as we age. This reminds you, and, as a adult, I hope keeps my mind aware of that time when my kids reach that age.

I would have picked this up when I was in my early teens, pretty sure. I was an emotional blob of goo, so this would have appealed to my overly angsty self.

There is a sense, and I'm guessing it's because of the setting, that these kids got $$$, they have that privilege there, handed to them. The parents all seem fairly well-to-do, and that always kind of got under my skin in YA books because when I was growing up, I was pretty poor and had a hard time relating to characters like this sometimes. It would trivialize their issues to me, hence negating the 'it' factor for the book. It's nothing blatant, but it's kind of obvious in here.

All in all, give it to your 12 year old or maybe even your 11 year old girl. Kids seem to be growing up a helluva lot quicker than I did, but I am getting old and probably just losing my perspective.

COMICS COMICS COMICS!

Okay I'ma just gonna do this NOW.. because there are ALOT of comics I read continuously, and a lot of beautiful graphic novels that I've read/plan to read. So, in no particular order.. here's some of my recently read/ waiting to read list. These include graphic novel stand-alones, web comics turned graphic novels, and weekly/monthly/when-have-you released comics:

Graphic Novels:

• Nimona
• Elk's Run
• Daytripper
• Trillium (8 issue miniseries/collected)
• Get Jiro!
• The Motherless Oven
• Hyperbole and a Half

Series: Many of these have enough issues out they are collected in trades (4-6 issues per book, usually.)

• Saga
• The Wicked + The Divine
• Mythic
• Lumberjanes
• Coffin Hill
• Island
• Wytches
• Outcast
• NailBiter
• ODY-C
• We Stand On Guard
• RatQueens
• Hank Steiner - Monster Detective (This is only one issue currently, and written by friends of ours, and is pretty sweet :-) 

These are what I've been reading or plan to very soon. This list will probably grow, once I find a spell to add 15 more hours to my day. My husband and kiddo are also partial to comics.

Some of the Chef's current favs include:

• The Life After
• Black Science
• Empire/Empire Rising
• ALL (yes..all..) X-Men (1960s-1990s currently)
• God Hates Astronauts
• Spawn (of course)
• Drifter
• Copperhead 
• Tooth & Claw
• Dark Engine

(there are more. Message me. Or something. I can't type anymore, my kid is being insane and my husband just went off on a comic tangent. And I'm listening to a comic Podcast. WTF?)

A few of the kiddo's favs include:

• Amulet
• Adventure Time
• Feathers
• Lumberjanes
• Mouse Guard
• Axe Cop 
• Regular Show
• Dead Boy Detective (this isn't really a children's book, but we are kinda shitty parents.)

 I'm not linking to all these, because you all know how to use The Google.

But you can look at THIS:

MARVEL AT MY SHITTY CAMERA PHONE AND FUCKED UP WOOD FLOORS! DO IT!

Okay, not really, but I just wanted to show ya'll some pics of stuff. So. There ya go.

Oh.. and if you are a bookish, super serious reader fiend and want to discount comics/graphic novels — don't. Don't do it. Go to your local comic book shop (mine happens to be Vault of Midnight, thank you guys, I love you), tell the knowledgeable, passionate staff (if it's a local comic book shop, that will be anyone who works there) what your likes and dislikes are, and they will lead you to something MAGICAL..

and down a path of an eternal money pit, because you will get subscriptions. You will find favorite artists and writers. You will buy ALL THE THINGS.

But it's okay, because it's all fucking awesome.

The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood: A Review

Oh my goodness Margaret Atwood I love you.  Who DOESN'T love Margaret Atwood? I'll fight you if you tell me you don't. I'm so gonna fight you. I think I read The Handmaid's Tale when I was 11, which may or may not have been a good idea, but I've loved her since. SO EXCITED to get this one in the mail!

(I've found out this was originally published as a serial in digital format only, called the Positron series. Wish I knew about that! I'd love to compare and see what was tweaked with those versions and this final print option.)

The Heart Goes Last follows Stan and Charmaine in a sort of pseudo Mad Max world minus the flaming guitar and Master Blaster. Basically, the world has experienced some sort of crazy economical collapse and it's all just gone to shit. People are scraping by, unemployed, thieving, and, like S and C, living in their cars.

What do you do when you have nothing left to do? Find a way out. For Stan and Charmaine, this comes through the Positron Project. Positron is a prison, located in the town of Consilience, and they offer a glimpse of a hopeful future reminiscence of the past. Like-- the 1950s past. At least on the service.

One month in, one month out, each citizen of Consilience does their time in Positron, sharing their outside home with their 'alternates', i.e. those folks who are in while they are out. Charmaine gets tangled up with Max (not his real name), Stan's alternate. Like, within the sheets (or actually, wherever they can manage to do it) sort of tangled.

Things are not what they seem on the surface of this idyllic solution. Honestly, the solution totally sounds kind of fucked up, but something is better than nothing when you are in dire straits, right? Maybe not.

SO.. Charmaine. This girl, my goodness. Timid, pushing down her past traumas, mousy and overly optimistic, I can't tell if I feel for her or want to smash her head in with a rock. But getting confused and not feeling entirely comfortable with the flow of the book and the characters is kind of what this book seems to be about.

Stan is gruff, short-tempered and feels like a failure. There is a vestige of happiness, once, some sort of life they planned on leading before life became what it is for them today. It's there, just below the surface of these two. The twin cities of Positron and Consilience bring out the characters' inner strengths and turmoils, and this unauthentic, fake place makes them both more real people.

Twists and turns abound, and what you THINK is going to be the main focus and trouble of this book takes an entirely different, way more sinister direction. Babies blood, prostibots, 'procedures', a mention of chicken fucking and lots of actual fucking. Blue knitted teddy bears and big Ed, wow.

I don't want to spoil this for anyone, but I SO want to spoil it for everyone because I really want to talk about it. But I won't. I'll say this though. Go and read this when it comes out. If you are a fan of Atwood (duh), pick it up. If strange dystopian futures and/or relationship stories are appealing to you, pick this up. If you want to read something and then sit there and analyze yourself, love, life and what truly makes someone happy, pick this up. I get the strangeness, the sex (oh my), the simplistic attitude of C. and deceptiveness of so many of the other characters in the novel may make it off-putting for some, but I like to not be entirely comfortable, I like dwelling when the book is done, not feeling 100% certain of what you just read or what just happy. Which is probably why I enjoy movies like Funny Games. Maybe not for everyone, but I think you all should give it a chance.

Thanks, k, bye.

(*this ARC was received free via Shelf Awareness.)

Boss Life by Paul Downs — A Review

Based upon recent life experiences..well, not THAT recent, but painful (lessons learned!) enough that it seems like yesterday, I requested this particular book  to gain some perspective on how businesses should be run, if you are gonna run them.

Each chapter of this book follows a 'month in the life' of Paul Downs business, making custom furniture. It was initially a little off-putting, because I was expecting something a bit broader is scope, and was worried this would solely focus on manufacturing without any practical applications outside of that particular field.

 What I found was that the book overall addresses so many aspects of business that are necessary, no matter what industry you are working in. From marketing, budgeting, making those tough decisions you have to sometimes make for the good of the company as a whole, to pushing sales and being a leader, this guidebook/memoir gave a broad sense of what it's really like to make a business tick.

Balancing personal life, being the boss and what it means to be a good boss flow throughout. I appreciate the fact it wasn't all wine and roses, the downside is shown in all it's money eating misery as well as the overwhelming triumphs. The willingness to engage and continue to educate yourself, even as an owner of a business, was much appreciated by me.

The book held my attention, read more like a sort of 'what will happen next?' novel/thriller that kept me involved in the story and, by the very nature of business, provided some eye opening information on what being a boss really means. I think if it was written in the vein of each chapter being a lesson for running a business, it would not have been nearly as engrossing. Paul admits, right from the very beginning, he makes mistakes. Kudos to an owner of a business being forthright and NOT an asshole- I've dealt with enough of those, haha.

I'd recommend this to anyone who is considering starting their own business and thinks they know what's going to happen. Anyone who graduated with a degree in Business Admin. or the like and has ZERO actual life experience- here's some perspective for ya.

Think twice, my friends. Go for it if you are ready for what it brings, and good luck to you.



(*an Adobe Digital Edition of this book was received via Penguin's 'First Reads' Program).

Bookish/comic-type things you need to listen to.

ALL THE BOOKS!

I fucking love book podcasts. Well, a lot of podcasts, but book/comic podcasts are totally occupying my world right now. Here's a list of some favorites, totally worth listening to.

• Literary Disco —  Think casual conversation between friends about all sorts of nerdy bookish things. And- RIDER STRONG, people. Ya'll know you loved you some Boy Meets World. Don't deny it.
  
• Book Riot — A super popular, easily digested book website, all sorts of fun stuff here. Their weekly Podcast tells you all the goings on in the world of books, publishing, and assorted random stories that are just intriguing plus recommendations, of course. I adore the hosts, Jeff and Rebecca. Their chemistry is great. You wanna listen.
  
• All The Books — Rebecca is also a co-host of this newer Book Riot podcast, and the reason all mah $$ is gone. The other host is Liberty Hardy, who literally has book enthusiasm just coming out through her words through my speakers into my brain. Seriously, she is just so wonderfully excited about books! This podcast is every Tuesday, featuring reviews of new releases from that week.
  
• Talking Comics — Yes, yes of course there hasta be a comic podcast in here. I can geek out pretty badly these days over comics (damn you Jameson), and these guys are pretty engaging and know their stuff. Or don't, but totally admit it.

Outliers: 

Nerd Sync Productions: This is a actually a YouTube channel, all about comics! Yay! I really dig the 'comic misconceptions' section. Learned a lot. Probably not valuable in any sort of tangible way, but it makes me happy.

Comicstorian: Another comic videocast! Learn the backstory of all those Marvel/DC superheroes that are incredibly complicated and have crazy plot lines! DO IT!

Someone tell me more! I WANT TO LISTEN TO MORE!

MORE!

Thanks.

Zadie Smith makes me smile.

Oh. My. The divine Ms. Z takes issue with a recent article in The Atlantic by Lauren Sandler, who blithely states that the magical secret to being a writer and a mother is to only have one child.  Any more, and you risk your self, your writer spirit, your very SOUL. Obviously.

Thank goodness for Zadie Smith, and all the other amazing writers who took the time to respond to this dribble.

Look, I get it. I totally do. More than ever now, with a kiddo in diapers and a very, very moody seven year old going through some sort of prepubescence midlife crisis or something. How long can I tune out the crying? How long am I supposed to let my elder one play video games without feeling like a totally shitty unresponsive parent?

How the fuck do I find time to write, to really write, what I want or just to get words out on the page?

I love my family, and I'm so happy I have two beautiful boys to raise and share my (our) life with. You know how you do it?

You just figure that shit out.

Having more than one child does make you world-weary, tired, stretched to your bones on occasion, ripping your hair out sometimes.  Having more than one child DOES NOT make you less of a writer, less of your self, does not lessen your passion.

If you care, you make it work. You use your support system of friends and your spouse and your extended family and your mailman or whoever is in your village. You make it work.

Thank you, Zadie. <3

Endangered by Kate Jaimet: A review

The Poisoned Pencil  is a publisher of young adult mysteries, and often has offers for free galleys via numerous bookish websites.  Totally sought out this one because it reminded me a lot of what I read as a 10-11 year old. That's called 'tween now, isn't it? Regardless..

I ate up Caroline Cooney (The Face on The Milk Carton) and similar mystery/ suspense stories at that age, and I thought I'd totally check out a few of these books in this vein from this publisher.

Endangered is a first novel for Kate Jaimet, and, from her notes, was a long time in the making.  Centering around Hayley Makk, a teenager with a sharp mind and an engrained reporter sense, this book follows Hayley on what is not, initially, a newspaper report, but a research project so she can get her final credit to complete high school. Turning into much more, Hayley finds links from sea turtles to nefarious drug dealers, and ends up getting way more than a high school credit.

If you view this book in the vein that it's written for young adults, it's fairly engaging and the story moves along briskly and without 'talking down' for younger readers. However, the audience for this book seems fairly narrow. It's fairly specific, and maybe misses out on the broader appeal it could have as a young adult mystery. I feel like you need to know a little bit about Canada to grasp some of the facts in the book as well.

The characters are fairly well fleshed out, and Hayley is a bit of a smart ass, which can be off-putting for some. Also, there were a few key sentences that kind of 'gave it away' for me too early in the book. It was a little too leading, and could have done without that over-the-top nudging towards the final answer to the mystery.

It's got a lot of honest talk, and the protagonist seems to have a good head on her shoulders. There's a lot of underlying morality going on, topics like teenage pregnancy, drinking, drug use, animal welfare, etc.  All and all, it's not a horrible read. I finished it in one setting.

*(this book was received via a Shelf Awareness giveaway)

Trust No One by Paul Cleave : Review

Man, this was PERFECT for summer reading. I like a good mystery/thriller that is easily digestible while I'm sitting lakeside.

I'm not a typical crime thriller reader, but this one was a lot of fun.
Jerry Grey, alias Henry Cutter- is a writer of (like the author) crime thrillers, most best sellers. His career comes to a quick and abrupt end when early onset Alzheimer's befalls him at the age of 49. Now living in a nursing home, he's forgetting and possibly remembering things he shouldn't have done. Like kill people. But did he actually kill people? Or is he just batshit crazy?

So. Fun. I love a little confusion, I love being able to play along with the protagonist and try to figure out what the hell is really going on. This novel is approachable, good for the 'Gone Girl' set, and a unique twist on the traditional crime thriller. I'd recommend it to someone who'd want to digest a couple of juicy novels for the summer that are quick reads.

Spoiler (kinda): THE ENDING — Wonderful. Def. not an American author. Think Funny Games. Think all those BBC shows that just end abruptly and usually not with it 'all working out' at the conclusion. I love that.

Wonder if the author is going to promote this book in an infinite loop.... maybe he has early onset dementia and wrote this about himself writing about things about himself writing in his other books about himself..

Macaulay Culkin wearing a shirt of Ryan Gosling wearing a shirt of Macaulay Culkin....

You get my drift.

*(note: this book was a free ARC received via Shelf Awareness.)

CHILDRENS!

...I totally forgot about this stage. Kind of. The complete and utter balls on this kid though! He's like, 'hey, momma. I'm gonna look RIGHT AT YOU and do this. Your reading glasses? Don't need those! How about your headphones? Whatever."

He's sleeping right now, and it's so beautiful. Not him, he's pretty groady and smelly because I plain out suck at mornings and coordination. But him sleeping is just beautiful.

Because now I can shower while these bazillion files download for my job.

SHOWER...


Speaking of sucking at mommyhood- barely got the elder one to summer care in time for his field trip I sort of knew about but not really because I have no idea what he does when he's out of the house. And I don't really care--because he's out of the house.


Anyway..


SHOWER!

Collecting.

I can't call it 'collecting', not really. I'll use that word to justify the quantity, the sheer volume that are now tucked into every little nook and corner and spare drawer/box/basket type thing in the house.

My husband knows to not bring home any type of storage container that I could possibly commandeer openly. They go upstairs to his man attic, sneakily, while I am asleep, to prevent my theft. But sometimes I'm awake, and he doesn't know it. And then it's mine.

When we moved from Northern Virginia to Michigan and had the advantage of a free military move, the serious gentlemen who came to access the weight of all our objects said that, with a glare at my shelves, we were most definitely overweight and would have to lose at least a few thousand pounds of 'thing'. 

It was everyone's turn to glare at me. I winnowed down, just a bit, shed enough tears and took so very long making my agonizing decisions that the crappy, heavy patio furniture made it's way to the curb with 'free' written on cardboard next to it.

And don't get me started on what I have for the children. Some were mine, lovingly saved, dog eared and water stained and wrinkly from the bathtub or poolside. Others were acquired during my most favorite job during the big blowout sale before (sadly) the store closed. Thrift stores, yard sales, any and everywhere because I am not only a sucker for a bargain, I am a sucker when it comes to the feel of the paper, the bright colors and 'I remember this!' nostalgia.

In other words, I have-

so. many. books.

And I'm not sorry. Sorry.

I love when someone comes by and the first thing they do is look at my books, touch them gently on their spines and ask me before they can take one off the shelf.

Of course!, I say. That's one of my favorites! (I say that a lot).

Can I borrow it?

Oh. Oh.. no, no.

But go ahead and keep it, I'm pretty certain I have at least two copies of it here, somewhere. And it's just so damn good, you really ought to own it, too.

..and I'll just get another copy, or another book, or both, to fill up that empty shelf space.

Of course I will.

****


 

Money for nothing.

..I think I don't like my job anymore.
I think maybe I am just feeling lackluster and unambitious about what the work is. It's definitely not my passion, but the paycheck is steady. And I need that.
And I can't do anything BESIDES work from home...
which is a problem.

Help?

Help.

Okay, so I have to help me, and I get that. My life is a baby whining in the background, balancing money struggles, a seven year old who DOESN'T LIKE READING (!#%**!%#)--okay, he does like a lot of comics--- and is addicted to Minecraft, an absentee husband (work related) and a dog who just farts and whimpers and killed a robin this morning.

All I really want to do is curl up in my little hidey-hole and read, read, read all these books that are glaring at me from my nightstand. Obsessively. I miss the days when I was a fat middle schooler who hated the world and I found solace in Jo and Heathcliff and Alice and all those other books that took me out of this world.

Anyone wanna come watch my kids, instill the passion of reading into the older one, cook me dinner and take out my farting dog while I read?


Yeah, didn't think so.

Little Victories: Perfect Rules For Imperfect Living by Jason Gay : A review

This is a memoir, disguised as a self help book. Or maybe the other way around. Regardless, it's poignant, fun and funny, touching and self-effacing, which I adore in a writer because, hey, I like it when people admit they are - just like me - full of shit.
Touching on little life lessons learned along the way, Jason Gay parallels a turbulent year in his life with sound advice for all sorts of situations. I recall when my mother was dying, I was writing more, thinking more, processing the 'important stuff' and learning to let go. Tragedy often brings out your introspective, private thoughts and lets you give them to the world or get them out onto the page.
It's perfect here, in this book.  This book is what we all know that matters, but what we often need to see and hear to remember it.

So, thanks for helping me to remember. And also being short enough, with concise little chapters, to allow me to read this in the bathroom. 









*(note: this book was a free ARC received via Shelf Awareness.)