I'm all over the place with social media these days; blog reading, Feedly topics, Blab watching, YouTube viewing and Twitter following like a crazy person.
It's work relevant, which ranges from personal injury lawyers to chicken coops and medical travel, digital marketing and social media engagement as a whole. It's life relevant, meaning family and parenting and being a bad ass mom. It's interests and passions: writing, books, tech and social interaction, current events, news, politics. Communication and online engagement, beer and food and restaurants and Chefs and more. Urbanism and city planning, my local community. Art, music, and bad TV.
Sometimes I hunt things down on Etsy and add them to my 'shit I wish someone would buy me' board on Pinterest.
Here I am, learning and engaging and devouring information, and I can't take my eyes off this screen. Screens, let's be honest, I have three fucking computer monitors and a laptop open most of the time.
Screens.
I love this knowledge at my fingertips. I love talking and sharing with the whole wide world. But behind me sits a whiny baby in his playpen after the sitter leaves and when the nap is over, before his brother comes home from school and his dad comes home from work.
I want to love my family without conditions. But I am ambitious, and driven, and I NEED to be engaged and work simply for the fact it keeps my mind sharp, helps shape my perspective and lets me learn. I NEED to be pushed to my breaking point. I like struggling to keep my head right above the water. I like having goals that force me to figure shit out, to learn something new.
I don't like "Momma, Momma. Can you put
on Naruto? Can I play video games? Where's my homework?" I don't like "Hey, so I am gonna work late today because I just found out we have a 30-top so you need to go ahead and do ALL THE THINGS." I don't like whining dogs who have to go outside NOW, as soon as I get deep into writing a blog post.
I love my family. But I do have conditions. And the 'condition' of being a female in a mostly misogynistic society gives off guilt vibes whenever I choose not to participate in the PTA or don't have time to go to your damn party or really, really don't want to have a playdate at my house, because I don't want to clean up after your kids, let alone mine.
But- this is my life. These are my children, and my husband, and my damn dog. I adore my life and them. I adore my life with them, because without this crazy, strange brood of males I would not be as strong as I am.
How does one 'Lean In' without being Sheryl Sandberg, without a private nursery and money to spare?
How do you get past this Catch-22 existence where you need more money to pay for babysitters and dog walkers and to have your husband home to raise the goats and bake the bread because that's what he really wants to do, so you have time to work more to make that money so you can have the time to work more to build a presence and make more money by building that portfolio and experiencing that you have no time to do?
Family dynamics are not the same for everyone. But fulfillment and happiness in wherever you fall in that family is essential for everyone.
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