Stifling Vaginas. Or: My Husband Should Only be Cooking at Home

So everything sucks. Which is fine, but it probably should be stated.

I'm all over the place with social media these days; blog reading, Feedly topics, Blab watching, YouTube viewing and Twitter following like a crazy person.

It's work relevant, which ranges from personal injury lawyers to chicken coops and medical travel, digital marketing and social media engagement as a whole.  It's life relevant, meaning family and parenting and being a bad ass mom. It's interests and passions: writing, books, tech and social interaction, current events, news, politics. Communication and online engagement, beer and food and restaurants and Chefs and more. Urbanism and city planning, my local community. Art, music, and bad TV.

Sometimes I hunt things down on Etsy and add them to my 'shit I wish someone would buy me' board on Pinterest.

Here I am, learning and engaging and devouring information, and I can't take my eyes off this screen. Screens, let's be honest, I have three fucking computer monitors and a laptop open most of the time.
Screens.

I love this knowledge at my fingertips. I love talking and sharing with the whole wide world. But behind me sits a whiny baby in his playpen after the sitter leaves and when the nap is over, before his brother comes home from school and his dad comes home from work.

I want to love my family without conditions. But I am ambitious, and driven, and I NEED to be engaged and work simply for the fact it keeps my mind sharp, helps shape my perspective and lets me learn. I NEED to be pushed to my breaking point. I like struggling to keep my head right above the water. I like having goals that force me to figure shit out, to learn something new.

I don't like "Momma, Momma. Can you put
on Naruto? Can I play video games? Where's my homework?" I don't like "Hey, so I am gonna work late today because I just found out we have a 30-top so you need to go ahead and do ALL THE THINGS."  I don't like whining dogs who have to go outside NOW, as soon as I get deep into writing a blog post.

I love my family. But I do have conditions. And the 'condition' of being a female in a mostly misogynistic society gives off guilt vibes whenever I choose not to participate in the PTA or don't have time to go to your damn party or really, really don't want to have a playdate at my house, because I don't want to clean up after your kids, let alone mine.

But- this is my life. These are my children, and my husband, and my damn dog. I adore my life and them. I adore my life with them, because without this crazy, strange brood of males I would not be as strong as I am.

How does one 'Lean In'  without being Sheryl Sandberg, without a private nursery and money to spare?

How do you get past this Catch-22 existence where you need more money to pay for babysitters and dog walkers and to have your husband home to raise the goats and bake the bread because that's what he really wants to do, so you have time to work more to make that money so you can have the time to work more to build a presence and make more money by building that portfolio and experiencing that you have no time to do?

Family dynamics are not the same for everyone. But fulfillment and happiness in wherever you fall in that family is essential for everyone.

Conversations and Realizations via Slack and Social Media

Me: I am .. getting super involved in learning about my work. I had the recent realization that I know just as much if not more than the ppl who like to pretend they know wtf they are talking about. 
 

Not Me: you are super knowledgeable.

 
Me: no no, the thing is.. this is key, okay? You have to assume you always can learn more. And then you do. And then you continue to seek out ways to make your work more interesting and engaging and you don't grow stagnant or bored. And you avoid big head syndrome or the desire for anything beyond self satisfaction from a job well done. And an okay paycheck. 

Me: ..and good whiskey. 

Deep Dark Fears by Fran Krause- Review

This graphic novel from Ten Speed Press is cute and quirky and a fun little gift for a birthday or holiday.  This is just, basically, a collection of illustrations about those weird, irrational fears we all possess. You know, those ones you never tell anyone because they are totally nonsensical and outrageous but in reality people would be like-- "oh. Me too." Each 'fear' is a few lines of text and a few panels of illustration- i.e. each page or two is one fear.

My irrational fears?

I used to be scared to be on the toilet when I flushed the toilet. I thought there was something that would come out of the toilet to take me to the netherworld, or something. So I'd wipe, stand up really fast, flush and slam the lid closed.

I also was terrified something was always under the bed so my bed was a boxspring and mattress on the floor. Thanks, Little Monsters.

And dolls--don't get me started.

I am a weirdo.

But so is everyone else. Reading this is justification on the strangeness that we all have floating around in our heads.

The drawings are gentle and offset by the actual fears, so it makes it much better than illustrations that were too graphic or sharp. This isn't something I'd necessarily seek out to purchase, but would appreciate as a fun little coffee table book to flip through.

 YES on Fear #12- I've often wanted to crawl inside my husband because I just love him so much.

That sounds weird, now that I typed it and re-read what I typed..

anyway.

A few of the illustrations/panels look not totally complete yet (I think..#33 or #34?) Oh.. yes, do add doodles of ants on #11. I like doodle ants.

And --also parents are pretty fucked up! Who tells their kids these things?

Oh.. me, probably. Wonder what permanent mental damage I've done to my kiddos so far...

*(note: e-galley sent free via Netgalley)

Quiet.

I like to listen. To everything. I get sidetracked with my current conversation because I hear the voices in the cafe, in the bar. Clearly. I hear the argument across the street and I wonder why the man is made at the women. I wonder if this is how they are, always. If this is how they love. It sounds loud but maybe it is nothing to them.

Then I miss my turn.

I'm not the best speaker, because I'm reluctant to open my mouth before I've had the chance to mull your words over in my mind, decide what to say, wanting to say what I really mean. I am listening, and I do understand, and you'll understand I understand once you see the words on a page.

But I might end up choking on a piece of ice when I take a sip of water once I muster courage to respond to your question.

I hear you. I am thinking about everything around me, what I see, what you say, the colors and the shifting shadows of the trees dancing on my file cabinet, the smells in the air and the bitter, salty, sweet on my tongue.

The world is endlessly, exquisitely fascinating. I am not shy. I am not ignorant. My humor can be rough, but I am sincere. You can doubt me, if you want. But I don't doubt me.
 

 

A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail By Bill Bryson — A Review

Memoirs are selfish. It's the nature of the book, and should be expected. The best memoirs allow your footsteps to follow those of the author, their thoughts and emotions to become your thoughts and emotions, and preserve the humanity of the story and still keep it engaging.

A Walk in the Woods is pretty close to accomplishing this for me. At turns an adventure story, pseudo guidebook to the Appalachian Trail, and a friendship narrative, Bryson's trademark humorous and self-deprecating style keeps the pace of the book moving.

Hikers are an interesting bunch, and I think everyone has their own reasons for choosing to tackle a difficult trail like the AT. I enjoyed hearing Bill's reasons, and the back and forth between him and Katz, the out of shape, old college friend who was the only one who would accompany him.

I love nature, I love walking in the woods and climbing a hill every now and then, but I'm not one to go running at 5 AM. Ever. A perspective of hiking this beautiful and monstrous trail from folks who aren't professional runners and eat an occasional (or more than occasional) Snickers was motivational for me. Maybe someday I can do something out of my comfort zone, too.

If you have read any of his other books and liked them, chances are you'll like this one too. It's not about getting there, it really is - as cliche as it sounds - about the journey.


*I received this book free from LibraryThing with movie tie-in cover via their Early Reviewers program.

Dealing with Passive Aggressiveness in an Agressively Passive Manner. Or — Winning.

I will SHOOT YOU with this banana. I swear I will...

So often situations arise that are out of our control. We attend a class, and our teacher happens to be the one whose car you hit while parking on the way in the first day and they now totally have it out for you. You live in a town with two pizza places, you're high, and both places are terrible. You colleague is great as their job, but they just happen to suck as a person.

The last one seems to happen a lot. Ahem.

So, how do we deal, without creating a scene, an ongoing issue, a problem that infiltrates your daily routine? Simple. Calmly, rationally, and with an exactitude for revenge that borders on obsessive.

• Make-work — They can be your boss or they can be your equal. Doesn't Matter. But there is some way, somehow, you'll be able to do your job that will make them end up with just a little more on their plate. Maybe get ambitious and write some extra articles for your editor. Maybe push sales so hard your boss won't be able to keep up with demand. They've got to do their job, right? So let's just make sure they stay busy.
  
• Praise — Nothing irritates like politeness and praise. Complement their tie. Tell them what an excellent job they did on that report, and how you are so happy they are part of your team!  Don't be snarky and obvious. Make it sincere as possible. They'll either think you are reformed and have decided you do love them, or it will make them go slowly crazy. Either way, you'll win. Reformation? Easier to drop a bomb of truth with them unsuspecting. Slowly crazy? That'll be fun to watch.
  
• Rock Your Fucking Job — Be the best. EVER. Be so fucking awesome, do something so goddamned amazing that your boss shits himself. Nothing hurts an asshole like being overlooked for an individual they consider inferior. Let them stew in that for awhile.
  
• One-ups-manship — They landed that sale? You landed a bigger account. They had a good idea? You executed that idea and brought more to the table. Again, you, the slimy little, uneducated underling doing anything better than them will be enough to incite a migraine.
  
• Remind Yourself — ...everyone hates them. Really, they have no friends. People tolerate them, at best. They are married because they found the one person in the world who is also horrible. The only thing they have is their over-inflated ego and sense of self-righteousness. Their children will grow up resentful and with memories that lead to counseling. Their funeral will not be well-attended.  You probably shouldn't even worry about them, because it's obvious they will seal their own fate with their piss poor personality. 

Go have a shot of good whiskey and enjoy the weekend.

<3 

Out On The Wire: The Storytelling Secrets of the New Masters of Radio by Jessica Abel — A Review

I am a Podcast junkie. I am a comic book fiend. This book just happened to combine two of my favoritest things into one sweet little book that ALSO happens to assist with an upcoming work project.

Heck. Yes.

Jessica Abel is a gifted artist with a real passion for radio. She is able to clearly, concisely, give a visual sense to something completely lacking in the visual medium (besides what you picture in your head).

Step by step, story by story, she follows some of the most popular Podcasts these days from ideas to final edits. It highlights like long and arduous journey of making your half hour or hour long or what have you show a reality. Along the way she delves into the personal stories from producers, writers and more from the likes of The Moth, RadioLab, Snap Judgement, Planet Money and This American Life.

Every format is different, the focus is different, the voices and stories aren't the same, but what is similar is the love that these folks put into the process, put into their chosen medium to share the stories they think are worth sharing.

It's obvious Jessica loves Podcasts too. It's done from the heart, and that makes it engaging.

And, my god, it introduced me to the concept of 'The German Forest' via Radiolab. I could just relay what it means, but you all should probably just listen to this and go- "Oh! Oh I know that!" https://soundcloud.com/thirdcoast/special-feature-jad-abumrad-at

The creative process. Sweat. Hurt. Complexity. Transcendence. Fucking beautiful.

If you love Podcasts, if you like comics, if you appreciate creativity and damn good stories, read this.

*this book was received for free via Bloggingforbooks.com

The Shadow of Seth by Tom Llewellyn — A Review

Seth Anomundy is sixteen, and you find out right away his life hasn't been easy. It's him and his mom, living above a boxing gym in a small apartment. He loves his mom, but is easily frustrated with her carefree ways in what doesn't seem a carefree situation. She was young when she had him and continues to be young. She loves her son, but can't quite be that suburban mom next door. The pull of drugs and drink is often too strong.

She goes out to work one evening, cleaning businesses in the area, and never returns alive. All signs point to murder. It seems the cops don't care, no one really cares, so Seth feels it's up to him to figure out what happened to his mother, and why.

I appreciate this as a YA novel. The underlying premise is honest and Seth and his neighborhood friends and caregivers have an aura of authenticity. Despite the premise of this book being a murder mystery, I felt deeply the connection between Seth and his mother. It reminded me of my own childhood, the anger and love you feel towards a parent who isn't what you think parents should be. Growing up too fast, and others not understanding how your early life has shaped your perspective.

Azura, Seth's love interest, was vague, a bit too blind, and her actions silly and not at all the way a rational person should act. I feel like she wasn't as well defined because the author himself couldn't speak to her manner of life except as an outsider, so her character was written as someone looking at her through a lens of a different sort of situation. She was almost a caricature, not a character.

While the mystery was gripping at certain parts, and led me to turn the page on occasion, it fell a little flat at the end. What I found more engaging was Seth and his neighborhood, Ms. Eye and Choo-Choo, the world that was built. I hope that if there are other novels in this series, they build on Seth and his world even more.

*This book was received as a free ARC via Shelf-Awareness from Poisoned Pen Press.

#hanginwithDave

Oh man, letting myself down already, ha.

I have good excuses, but I'm not going to use excuses. I'm gonna write a little bit today, and finish a book tomorrow.

TMI: It's sitting in my bathroom, and I've been feeling crappy for the last week. Maybe kind of literally, so I'm getting through it pretty quick here.

So many good opportunities coming down the pipe lately, it's a wonderful thing but I'm at pretty much my breaking point, even with meds. Where do I stop in order to stay sane? If I stop, I can't pay my bills or my babysitter (I've got one and she's AWESOME!) that helps me stay sane, because I need money to pay bills so I take on too much work that's making me insane and uh..

This is a rabbit hole of doom.

Luckily, I get fun little 'work' projects here and there that give me a good energy boost or allow me some relaxation time.

After a meeting for a potentially new freelance job (which went very well, yay!), I headed over to Founder Brewing Company to check out their brand new expansion (after the other expansion, after the other expansion...) with my sassy MittenBrew.com crew.  Great times, good beer, food and good people.

Check us out, hanging w/ Dave. (#hanginwithDave is gonna be a thing now. Totally a thing.)

 

It's not so much my focus, I think. I can focus, but I just have too many tasks I'm being told (or choosing to) focus on.  So back to square one, scattered and scared I'm going to let something slip.

I'm getting a grip, now that school is starting, I think. Gotta keep on keeping on, and get my damn dryer fixed, because line-drying clothes is SUCH a pain in the ass.

Cheers.

Zombies v. Ninjas--- 2: Domination !!! (Yes, this is a book review)

A small island in the North Atlantic. Livestock turned into cannibals, fed the remains of their furry and feathered brethren. Humans eat contaminated meat. Humans die. Then meat-eating humans become zombies. Female zombies start to bear undead children within three weeks. Virgin births, they are born with teeth and a hunger-- an undead hunger. How will this epidemic be stopped?

NINJAS, OF COURSE!!!


This would be an amazingly awesome bad movie series. I want that to happen. Really, I do. The second in a book series by R.A Barnes, this new take on the zombie classic is a pretty clever twist, because, really, who doesn't love Ninjas and who doesn't love zombies? Put them together, it just makes sense.


A short list of awesomely bad zombie/something combinations:

• Plants vs. Zombies
• Nazi Zombies vs. Medical Students
• Russian POW WWII Zombies vs. Random ppl and American Tourists
• Jane Austen vs. Zombies
• Zombie Strippers vs. confused patrons and regular strippers

See how nicely this fits?

Okay, on the book. If you are into the crazy, silly zombie genre, go ahead and give these a spin. The story itself is well thought out, but there are sections where the story drags, and I would have loved to see some more descriptive and in-depth ninja slashing zombie heads off scenes.

There's a overall story arch here, obviously, and I probably should go back and read the first book to get a better sense of it. There's a mystical cult lead by a former serial killer (who has his own dedicated back story in another book by this author), who is attempting to breed these undead babies and create a super race and army to eliminate all those who oppose this idea. Seems like some sort of play off the virgin birth story in Christianity. Personally, I'll take it as nod to the craziness of religious zealots in real life, because it makes me happy to think of it that way.

As a second book in the series, I can see why the story might seem to drag a bit. You've got to build up to the finale, right? It's really fairly engaging, and I am curious to where it will lead, which is the point, I suppose. I would love to know how many the author plans for the series overall, and probably will read the next one based upon my experience reading this one.




*This book was received for free via a GoodReads giveaway.

Where I've been: A Recap

Hi.
  So I feel like I am being lax. I haven't posted in a few days, and that is not living up to my expectations of myself! Agh! But--things have been busy, to say the least (but really, when are they not?)

Here's a little bit of a recap of what I have been a slacker, why my TBR pile is overflowing, and what I intend to do about all of it.

Life:

I have a few jobs. One main job, which pays (mostly) my bills and keeps me pretty dang busy. But I do freelance stuff too, which comes up sporadically and can mean I'm going to a brewery or a restaurant or an event or to interview someone at my house or a number of things. Or I'm doing SEO website stuff for some blogs. Or whatever. I've had a lot of whatever lately, plus some volunteer stuff to help friends out. Plus my job has really been picking up and I am at the point where I have to learn all sorts of new things I didn't ever think I'd have to learn. There goes most of the hours in my day right there.

Kids. I have two of them, and they also take up time. I'm in the process of seeking a 'Mother's Helper' that won't negate the fact I work by costing a gazillion dollars, so I succumbed and set up a month of care.com (those bastards..) for $$ and have been interviewing a few folks, with a decision to be made soon. Hopefully that gives me back some hours in my day.

And the big one is going back to school, of course so there's all that school getting ready stuff to deal with. Shoe shopping and supply gathering, paperwork and orientation. Getting him to stop playing Minecraft after a reasonable time. Bedtime, ugh.

The husband is often gone, no surprises there, but he just got off our annual Restaurant Week, which is actually 10 days. And someone quit. And then someone got sick. And then someone got kicked out of the house by their soon to be ex wife and he lost another employee. And Dutch ppl really like a lot of food for cheap.

Two days off in the last month or so. Open to close. Minimum 10 hour days. He's not usually around, but he REALLY wasn't around for awhile. Which put an extra load of stress on me, which made me stress out on him, and he was already overworked and grumpy and tired and stressed, so we started arguing, fairly seriously, for a little bit.

Things of course, like they always do with us, calm down once we realized we both were under a lot of pressure with all the things. SO MANY THINGS. So that's resolved, but it didn't make anything easier the last few weeks.

Yesterday, I agreed to babysit my friend's sweet little boy, no problems there, he's a great baby. But- I have two babies and tried to work? That was silly, ha. And I scheduled an interview with a potential sitter at around the same time. Which I kind of forgot about until she knocked on my door. Heh.

And right before that, the husband texted me, saying he almost passed out, had cold clammy skin and was dizzy and felt sick, that his chest and arms and hands were going numb and he was going to just go ahead and DRIVE home when his Sous chef came in.

!(*$%@!(~!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, husbands, I know. He has low blood pressure problems, which, by the way, I didn't find out until THIS YEAR (we've been married 8 years) and from his mother. So there was that to freak out about too.

So today before he comes home, I made him a doctors appointment. Really, a sick Chef husband is no use to anyone. And I love him and all that crap, of course.

Solutions! I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE!

BALANCE. With the big kid going back to school, the soon-to-be hiring of a Mother's Helper, and no crazy restaurant events in the near future for Chef, the day after Labor Day is going to be my time to GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. I will educate myself for my job! I will complete all assignments on time! I will push myself and DO MORE! I will get my children on schedules and to bed at normal children hours! I will spend quality time with the husband! I will exercise!

Okay, no I won't exercise, totally not doing that.

But - I will get back to book reviews, posting regularly, reading regularly, and getting up before 9 or 10 AM. Which means probably not staying up til 2 or 3 AM.

That will work itself out, I'm sure.


*My dryer is broken. I just realized my dryer is broken. It's broken....