Stir: Chapters 6- 17

Okay, Chapter 6 was endearing and I read the recipe-at least the intro.
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Food=place. Yes. YES. Though I've been lucky enough to never have a prolonged hospital stay outside of pregnancy, I do remember the glory of the first meals after my children's birth. Sushi and and red wine in a coffee cup after number 1. Following all pregnancy 'rules', I denied myself the deliciousness of raw fish throughout. It wasn't the best sushi, but it sure tasted like it then.
Number 2 and my favorite photographer friend sneaks in a Dark Lord, of all things (!) blessed beer, again concealed in a Styrofoam cup. And she brings me Italian from the place my husband used to work. So much delicious freshness and flavor after the decent, but incredibly bland, hospital meals. It's true. Food humanizes. It removes you from where you are and takes you to where you should be.
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The stupid, sudden, overwhelming realization of 'yes-this is the person you will spend your life with.' So I'm not the only insane one. Good to know.
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I'm making Cholent. Totally.
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The best part of making a life together is making that life together. Discovering where you both want to put the silverware, what side of the bed to sleep on, knowing you'll ALWAYS have to pick up his towels from the closet because that's just something that will never change.
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Crispy Rice and Eggs is a thing?!? I do that thing. I didn't know it was a thing. I always like using leftovers efficiently.
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What really does matter? I guess we do know. But maybe we ignore it, for the easiness of  daily frustration and duties. Me? Cleaning and sweeping, making sure dishes aren't left in the sink. Letting my husband chat with OUR friends while our kids play and scream and laugh and track dirt into the house and all I can think about is making sure that no one will judge me. Because I still feel judged, even by those closest to me.
Childhood regression, I guess.
I need to stop and start sitting at the table with those beautiful folk we called friends and family.
But--not too long. I still have to get the cleaning done.  Honestly, the few times I can remember when I have been 'all caught up'- clean home, dishes done, kids away/in bed, nothing else to do.. I just looked around and thought, 'Well. What now?'
I think I do better when I'm almost at my breaking point. I just need to find out exactly where that breaking point is, because lately I'm pretty sure I've been crossing that line.
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Other Thoughts:
Do I take it back? The food is more engrained with the flow of the story now. This makes sense. Maybe my brain is making sense of it. Maybe it always did. Whatever, I'm digging it.
This is becoming charmingly endearing and touching and concrete. It's very much Jessica's story, and her voice is familiar and comforting, honest with itself without pretense. I'm looking for that courage.

I read fast. And I'm reading this one pretty dang quickly. More to come.